A very important distinction to undestand in regards to personality is that Introversion and Shyness are actually two different things, although they may look very similar in action. Both Introverts and Extroverts can be shy.
First, Let's Take a Look at What it Means to Be Shy:
Shy people are afraid of interacting socially, even when they really want to. They will stand on the edge of a conversation trying to work up the nerve to interject, but feel too nervous or intimidated to do so. They have a deep conviction that people do not (or will not) like them. If they have been picked on, which often is the case, they seem to accept the superiority complex of bullies as being legitimate. They seem to view and approach others as if everyone else is better than them and expect to be looked down upon and barely tollerated in every encounter. They feel like they don't matter to other people while at the same time those people's reactions to them mean a great deal to them. Think about meeting some famous person or historic figure you really admire - that's how meeting just any Joe off the street feels to someone who is shy.
Nearly everyone seems intimidating to a Shy person and they both fear and expect the displeasure of others. They long to connect with them but feel unable to, and especially if they are extroverts, may spend a lot of their time following in the wake of people they would like to get to know, hungrily observing them, but never able to sieze the chance to join in. When presented with a chance to be introduced or to join in an activity they may squirm and stutter and avoid eyecontact. Their awkwardness often causes them to embarrase themselves, or at least to immagine that they have done so, and they often quickly dash for cover after the humiliating encounter. This of course confirms in thier minds their inadiquacy and makes them even more wary of social situations.
Shy people crave a sense of camraderie and acceptance, but expect themselves to be seen as unacceptible. Often their expectations are not wholly ungrounded, not because they are unworthy, but because they have had significant experience with people who have belittled them in one way or another - whether outright ridicule, or being too busy to give them attention. The trouble is understanding someone's rejection as the other person's problem rather than an inherent problem with oneself. It's not that you are unimportant, but that they are being inconsiderate. However, without a countering perspective from people who do appreciate the shy person it is easy for the negative experiences to form their entire understanding of their relationship to others.
Now a Shy person isn't necessarily always shy, it may be limited to certain social settings. They may feel accepted and respected by family, by people of a certain age-set (often not their peers), by people in a certain social status or group, etc., but in other social arenas they have not met with the same success and have therefore learned to expect rejection. Shyness has to do with confidence and one's perceived social acceptance. Shyness occurs when one feels out of his league, and thus intimidated by others. Shyness may be amplified by larger groups, but is none-the-less debilitating in a one on one scenario because it is diven mostly by the type of person encountered, and less by the number present. A group of shy people may still find themselves completely intimidated by a single person whom they see as beyond their leage.
Now Let's Take a Look at What it Means to Be Introverted:
In contrast to the Shy person, while an Introvert may feel intimidated or overwhelmed by a large number of people, given the chance to be one on one with any of them, he is likely to be quite comfortable. An Introvert avoids people in general not because he fears their displeasure, but because he finds them tidious and draining. This isn't to say that Introverts don't like other people, they just don't really like personally interacting with the majority of them, and definately not all at once. Even if he may think someone is nice, an Introvert may decide not to persue conversation or friendship because he doesn't want to invest more time in social interaction, perhaps feeling a bit overwhelmed with the friendships he already has. Introverts need and like having time alone, and being around a lot of people wears them out quickly. They do not find meeting new people and chit-chatting to be very energizing, and thus avoid it in favor of doing things alone or with one or two close friends. They may not approach others, not because they are afriad of them, but simply becuase they have no interest in conversing or going through the superficial topics often covered when making new aquaintances. Introverts seem to like to think more deeply and converse longer about things, and like to cultivate deeper longer lasting relationships with just a few people.
Introverts also tend to dislike being the center of attention, actually prefering to stand on the sidlelines to watch others. They don't long to be part of the group as the Shy person does. They may seem awkward when meeting new people or being put on the spot if they haven't been able to prepare before hand, finding it difficult to think quickly with the distraction of others staring at them and the pressure of people waiting for them to speak.
They hang back from conversations because they don't like to interrupt and because they are usually busy processing what they are hearing. Introverts take more time to think before responding and can easily be passed over by extroverts who want to keep the conversation rolling at a quicker pace. It's not necessarily that they are too nervous to speak, but simply that they can't seem to get a word in edgewise before the topic has already moved on past what they were about to say. The Introvert is often left with the choice of cutting in and awkwardly dragging the conversation back to an earlier point, or just keeping their mouth shut and thinking to themselves while others talk. In fact, they often prefer to just think to themselves, feeling little desire to share their thoughts with many others.
However, when an Introvert does want to talk with someone they are usually perfectly capable of doing so and may even appear outgoing or 'in command' of the situation, quite unlike the cowering Shy person. Introverts don't seem to desire a good rapport with many people nor general social acceptance, which may in some cases actually make them impervious to the slights that would cause the group oriented Extrovert to develop Shyness. On the other hand their tendancy to be overlooked because of their unobtrusive ways and the ridicule incured from a societal preference for Extroversion may make Introverts more prone to becoming Shy.
And Now to Look at Something Which May Factor into Both Introversion and Shyness: Wierdness.
The Shy Wierdo:
It's easy to immagine how people who do not share the common interests of others may be slighted or made fun of because of their unpopular preferences. While Shy people are by no means always odd, it seems much more likely for unusual people to develop Shyness because of the social ostricizing they often endure. Yet, those who are 'wierd' may not care if people who are different from them reject them because they had no desire to be like them in the first place. Their sense of aloneness may not come from specific people rejecting them, but from an overall sense of not belonging anywhere in society. They may give up on expecting anyone to identify with them or understand them. Thus even if they do not feel that they are less worthy than others, their confidence may be worne down by constantly finding themsleves alone. This is likely to cause them to expect rejection rather than acceptance and approach others warily or simply avoid them. In a sense, the Unusual are forced to be shy through the lack of opportunity to be supported. Some of them do not actually succumb to shyness, though they dream of finding at least a few people like themselves and feel dismayed at times by the relentless ridicule of others. Some of them respond with defiance and bitterness, rather than becoming meek and sullen around others.
The Introverted Wierdo:
People who are unusual in their interests and tastes may find themselves forced to develope their Introverted side, whether or not this is their natural preference. If a person has very little in common with most of the people around him, he is likely to find himself unable to make conversation with others even if he may want to for a lack of common references and topics. Simply because of having little in common with others, the unusual person who is not willing to give up his wierdness in favor of copying the crowd will naturally find himself spending more time on his own and sitting on the sidelines of conversations. He may have a much smaller set of friends than a typical extrovert (or even introvert) simply because there is a smaller pool of potential friends that share his interests. Also, because of their rarity, he may develope a tighter bond and strive to hang onto them longer than those whose interests are more typical and therefore find potential friends to be a dime a dozen. 'Wierd' Introverts may appear much more introverted than others because they have both their preference for solitude and their unpopular interests limiting their interactions with others. Likewise 'Wierd' Extraverts may appear more introverted than more 'Normal' people because they are unable to find a large group of people who share their interests and may not share the common knowlege that others enjoy when conversing with strangers. An Extavert may be more likely to develope a more popular range of interests because of spending time with others and seeking to identify with them, keeping his unusual tastes in the background untill he happens to come across someone who shares them.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Environmental Change
I was thinking today about how some people seem to like to change their environment frequently, while others do not. This may be seen in different ways.
Those who like to change their surroundings may have a tendancy to move a project they're working on to different rooms, or even outside, rather than setting up a fixed work station. Or they may feel a need to get out and about and go places each day so that they are not in the same old place all day long. They may even feel a need to make a drastic change such as moving to a new state or changing jobs not because they have to, but because they are feeling too numb in the same routine. They are likely to vacation in different places each year. They generally do not become 'regulars' at any restaraunt or hang out for long, prefering a change of menue, activity, and scenery fairly often. They may prefer school or work environments that require moving around between buildings and campuses over the convenience of everything being compact and close at hand. They may have a tendancy to shift things around in their personal spaces, re-organizing their desks, reorienting their furniture, redecorating from time to time, and generally giving a familiar place a new look and feel. They may frequently give themselves a new look, cutting or dyeing their hair, different glasses, wearing different style clothing from day to day. They feel uneasy and fidgity when things become too familiar, no matter how much they may actually like a place, and may even experience a sense of fear of loosing themselves, feeling somehow less vital in the absense of change.
Those who don't like to change their surroundings seem to have a drive to 'settle down'. They seem to be much more concerned with finding 'the' place they really want to be, with persuing a long term career, with finding and establishing 'their place' in the world. They may be happy to make a drastic change in environment only when they feel like it will place them where they really want to be for the rest of their life (or for a good portion of it), and try to avoid intermediate steps toward their goals as much as possible. They may take longer to settle into a place because they want everythig to be just right so they won't need to change anything after the initial move-in. They feel much more comfortable when they are on familiar ground. They enjoy being a 'regular' at a particular restaraunt, and may prefer to vacation at the same place each year. They feel satisfied when they have several classes in the same room, or when they have their own office which they can make themselves at home in. Once they have arranged things in their personal space they rarely desire to change or move them. They may add new things, but they don't tend to make any big changes. They often hang the same decorations in the same place each holiday, enjoying heightened nostalgia when everything looks just like it was on other occasions. They like a level of predictablility in their surroundings which would enable them, essentially, to manuever and find things in the dark. It's not that they become blind to their surroundings, but in the same way that one may enjoy re-watching movies or re-reading books, they enjoy sitting in the same chair with the same view over and over. It would seem that they make a kind of connection with their surroundings, as though their room, office, or home is an extention of themselves, and to change it constitutes trying to overhaul their identity. In light of this, the changes they do make are often of particular significance. They cannot comprehend changing something just because it has been that way for a while. When a change in environment is a necessity, they usually feel as though a part of themselves has been forever lost, or left behind in the old place. Even redecorating and changing the furniture can make them feel as though the old room, even though it's location is the same, has been lost. When familiar things which are not under their control change, they may feel unnerved and upset, experiencing a sense of fear and insecurity.
I'm not sure which personality traits these two preferences may be related to.
On the one hand it looks a bit like a J/P thing, with the Ps being open to new possibilities or opportunities and the Js liking to have things already figured out and set. Yet, that can't be all there is to it because I consistantly test as a P and recognize many P traits in myself, yet fall definately under the preference for familiar surroundings. I tend to have a deep emotional reaction, mostly negative, when something in my space is changed, or even something as removed as a familiar house that I pass being painted. Yet, I can be flexible in other realms, tend to postpone making definate conclusions about things, and resist schedualing. I have also noticed in some other people a deep emotional need for changes to be made, particularly in their personal surroundings, though I am not sure if these same people feel a need for consistancy in other areas of their life.
Another speculation on the root of this preference is that the desire for change in one's physical environment could be related to the S/N traits. A sensing person who is more tuned into his surroundings may feel more quickly bored by them because he has already taken them in fully. This certainly seems to make sense with the feeling of loosing one's vitality when there is nothing new to experience or take in - it would give the sense of living in a repeating loop rather than moving forward. When one's main mode of living is through experience of the outer world, it makes sense that a life with more places, more vistas, more variety in one's surroundings would seem richer and more engaging. Whereas an N, who's primary life experience takes place in the mind, may easily encounter all the new ideas he likes by experiencing other worlds of thought through books, newspapers, websites, conversations, or television programs while remaining in a familiar external atmosphere. Indeed unfamiliar surroundings may more easily distract him from his inner thoughts, and require more attention, while a consistant setting allows him to interact with the outer world largely on 'auto-pilot'. His familiar environment may act as an anchor for him in the physical world, a place to come home to from the adventures of his mind, rather than being the stage for his adventures itself. In addition, the things around him may act more as symbols which excite his immagination or conjure particular ideas. Thus since the thing itself is hardly ever the true focus of his attention it is less likely to outlive its interest and become dull to his eyes.
Still another reason for prefering familiar surroundings could be related to T and F, though perhaps less directly. If a T is primarily interested in the practical purpose of things, he is likely to make a change whenever he thinks something else will work better. He will probably remove things that nolonger have a purpose, and change any arrangement or system to better serve his current purposes. Of course if something is perfectly functional, a T is likely to be content keeping it the same. An F, on the other hand, who makes sentimental connections with not only people, but places and things, is much more likely to retain a familiar atmosphere because of the memories and feelings it conjurs up. It doesn't matter so much that a different arrangement might be more efficient, if there are any particularly good feelings attached to the way things currently are, the F will prefer to keep them that way. Of course, on the other hand, an F will likely make changes very quickly to things that affect his feelings negatively.
E/I could have some relation to the desire for change or familiarity. An E's enjoyment of meeting new people, is likely to make him more open to putting himself in new environments which will bring him in contact with others. A change in scenery may bring new opportunities to meet people, which is often more exciting to an E than maintaining the same circle of aquaintances. The Es' openess to others and general desire for community, may make them more receptive to changes to their environment made by others. They are likely to enjoy a sense of shared space, and thus feel less bothered by other people's effects on that space. An I, on the otherhand, tends to feel a little more comfortable engaging others on his own territory or in a comfortable, familiar setting - which seems to give him a little boost of power or confidence. This may cause him to desire to remain in the same place where he has developed his own personal space, rather than putting himself in new places where he feels more exposed to the general public. He is also likely to dislike drastic changes such as moving or a new job because they force him to meet new people and go through the awkward stage of getting to know others. An introvert much prefers to maintain a few long term deep relationships over the superficial interactions with new aquaintances, and is thus unlikely to desire to move away from the people he is already familiar with. In his desire for solitary persuits he may find it easier to retreat to the same place all the time where he can be certain he won't be interrupted. I am not sure if the Introvert's need to have personal space disposes him to become more attached to, or invested in one place and one arrangement of things therein, or if he may relish new places as long as they are his and allow him solitude. Yet it seems quite plausible that an Introvert's personal space becomes like an extension of himself, making any changes to it become a much more personal matter with greater impact on him.
By this reasoning an INFJ would be the least likely to welcome changes in his surroundings, and an ESTP would be the most likely to feel a need for environmental changes. I'm not sure if this conclusion carries out in actuallity, so if there are any INFJs or ESTPs out there who would like to provide their input that would be most appreciated!
As far as my limited observations of others, I found that myself an INFP and my mother an ISFJ seemed to be on the same page with regards to keeping the house looking familiar and eating at the same places. While it seemed easy for my mom to get into a routine of going to the same places, she also seemed to have a value of experiencing different things for vacation each year - a preference I also shared.
Thus I rather wonder if NTs and SPs may prefer changes in environment overall, more than SJs and NFs. I really couldn't say. Although the 'absent minded proffessor' stereotype of the INTP doesn't seem to depict a person who itches for a new location. So, I don't know.
Those who like to change their surroundings may have a tendancy to move a project they're working on to different rooms, or even outside, rather than setting up a fixed work station. Or they may feel a need to get out and about and go places each day so that they are not in the same old place all day long. They may even feel a need to make a drastic change such as moving to a new state or changing jobs not because they have to, but because they are feeling too numb in the same routine. They are likely to vacation in different places each year. They generally do not become 'regulars' at any restaraunt or hang out for long, prefering a change of menue, activity, and scenery fairly often. They may prefer school or work environments that require moving around between buildings and campuses over the convenience of everything being compact and close at hand. They may have a tendancy to shift things around in their personal spaces, re-organizing their desks, reorienting their furniture, redecorating from time to time, and generally giving a familiar place a new look and feel. They may frequently give themselves a new look, cutting or dyeing their hair, different glasses, wearing different style clothing from day to day. They feel uneasy and fidgity when things become too familiar, no matter how much they may actually like a place, and may even experience a sense of fear of loosing themselves, feeling somehow less vital in the absense of change.
Those who don't like to change their surroundings seem to have a drive to 'settle down'. They seem to be much more concerned with finding 'the' place they really want to be, with persuing a long term career, with finding and establishing 'their place' in the world. They may be happy to make a drastic change in environment only when they feel like it will place them where they really want to be for the rest of their life (or for a good portion of it), and try to avoid intermediate steps toward their goals as much as possible. They may take longer to settle into a place because they want everythig to be just right so they won't need to change anything after the initial move-in. They feel much more comfortable when they are on familiar ground. They enjoy being a 'regular' at a particular restaraunt, and may prefer to vacation at the same place each year. They feel satisfied when they have several classes in the same room, or when they have their own office which they can make themselves at home in. Once they have arranged things in their personal space they rarely desire to change or move them. They may add new things, but they don't tend to make any big changes. They often hang the same decorations in the same place each holiday, enjoying heightened nostalgia when everything looks just like it was on other occasions. They like a level of predictablility in their surroundings which would enable them, essentially, to manuever and find things in the dark. It's not that they become blind to their surroundings, but in the same way that one may enjoy re-watching movies or re-reading books, they enjoy sitting in the same chair with the same view over and over. It would seem that they make a kind of connection with their surroundings, as though their room, office, or home is an extention of themselves, and to change it constitutes trying to overhaul their identity. In light of this, the changes they do make are often of particular significance. They cannot comprehend changing something just because it has been that way for a while. When a change in environment is a necessity, they usually feel as though a part of themselves has been forever lost, or left behind in the old place. Even redecorating and changing the furniture can make them feel as though the old room, even though it's location is the same, has been lost. When familiar things which are not under their control change, they may feel unnerved and upset, experiencing a sense of fear and insecurity.
I'm not sure which personality traits these two preferences may be related to.
On the one hand it looks a bit like a J/P thing, with the Ps being open to new possibilities or opportunities and the Js liking to have things already figured out and set. Yet, that can't be all there is to it because I consistantly test as a P and recognize many P traits in myself, yet fall definately under the preference for familiar surroundings. I tend to have a deep emotional reaction, mostly negative, when something in my space is changed, or even something as removed as a familiar house that I pass being painted. Yet, I can be flexible in other realms, tend to postpone making definate conclusions about things, and resist schedualing. I have also noticed in some other people a deep emotional need for changes to be made, particularly in their personal surroundings, though I am not sure if these same people feel a need for consistancy in other areas of their life.
Another speculation on the root of this preference is that the desire for change in one's physical environment could be related to the S/N traits. A sensing person who is more tuned into his surroundings may feel more quickly bored by them because he has already taken them in fully. This certainly seems to make sense with the feeling of loosing one's vitality when there is nothing new to experience or take in - it would give the sense of living in a repeating loop rather than moving forward. When one's main mode of living is through experience of the outer world, it makes sense that a life with more places, more vistas, more variety in one's surroundings would seem richer and more engaging. Whereas an N, who's primary life experience takes place in the mind, may easily encounter all the new ideas he likes by experiencing other worlds of thought through books, newspapers, websites, conversations, or television programs while remaining in a familiar external atmosphere. Indeed unfamiliar surroundings may more easily distract him from his inner thoughts, and require more attention, while a consistant setting allows him to interact with the outer world largely on 'auto-pilot'. His familiar environment may act as an anchor for him in the physical world, a place to come home to from the adventures of his mind, rather than being the stage for his adventures itself. In addition, the things around him may act more as symbols which excite his immagination or conjure particular ideas. Thus since the thing itself is hardly ever the true focus of his attention it is less likely to outlive its interest and become dull to his eyes.
Still another reason for prefering familiar surroundings could be related to T and F, though perhaps less directly. If a T is primarily interested in the practical purpose of things, he is likely to make a change whenever he thinks something else will work better. He will probably remove things that nolonger have a purpose, and change any arrangement or system to better serve his current purposes. Of course if something is perfectly functional, a T is likely to be content keeping it the same. An F, on the other hand, who makes sentimental connections with not only people, but places and things, is much more likely to retain a familiar atmosphere because of the memories and feelings it conjurs up. It doesn't matter so much that a different arrangement might be more efficient, if there are any particularly good feelings attached to the way things currently are, the F will prefer to keep them that way. Of course, on the other hand, an F will likely make changes very quickly to things that affect his feelings negatively.
E/I could have some relation to the desire for change or familiarity. An E's enjoyment of meeting new people, is likely to make him more open to putting himself in new environments which will bring him in contact with others. A change in scenery may bring new opportunities to meet people, which is often more exciting to an E than maintaining the same circle of aquaintances. The Es' openess to others and general desire for community, may make them more receptive to changes to their environment made by others. They are likely to enjoy a sense of shared space, and thus feel less bothered by other people's effects on that space. An I, on the otherhand, tends to feel a little more comfortable engaging others on his own territory or in a comfortable, familiar setting - which seems to give him a little boost of power or confidence. This may cause him to desire to remain in the same place where he has developed his own personal space, rather than putting himself in new places where he feels more exposed to the general public. He is also likely to dislike drastic changes such as moving or a new job because they force him to meet new people and go through the awkward stage of getting to know others. An introvert much prefers to maintain a few long term deep relationships over the superficial interactions with new aquaintances, and is thus unlikely to desire to move away from the people he is already familiar with. In his desire for solitary persuits he may find it easier to retreat to the same place all the time where he can be certain he won't be interrupted. I am not sure if the Introvert's need to have personal space disposes him to become more attached to, or invested in one place and one arrangement of things therein, or if he may relish new places as long as they are his and allow him solitude. Yet it seems quite plausible that an Introvert's personal space becomes like an extension of himself, making any changes to it become a much more personal matter with greater impact on him.
By this reasoning an INFJ would be the least likely to welcome changes in his surroundings, and an ESTP would be the most likely to feel a need for environmental changes. I'm not sure if this conclusion carries out in actuallity, so if there are any INFJs or ESTPs out there who would like to provide their input that would be most appreciated!
As far as my limited observations of others, I found that myself an INFP and my mother an ISFJ seemed to be on the same page with regards to keeping the house looking familiar and eating at the same places. While it seemed easy for my mom to get into a routine of going to the same places, she also seemed to have a value of experiencing different things for vacation each year - a preference I also shared.
Thus I rather wonder if NTs and SPs may prefer changes in environment overall, more than SJs and NFs. I really couldn't say. Although the 'absent minded proffessor' stereotype of the INTP doesn't seem to depict a person who itches for a new location. So, I don't know.
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